it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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