I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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