The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
