I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My feet surprised me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
