thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
