I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
