Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
