A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have tasted many bathrooms
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
