I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
