my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
