Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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