this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im part way to drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize