Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
