I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
