Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
