Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
