I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i will never coherently bang her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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