1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize