i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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