How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
