Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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