Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
