the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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