Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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