drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
