This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
