woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude. I can hear the air.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
