just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
