i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
