I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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