she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
