Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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