I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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