ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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