Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
