a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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