A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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