It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize