Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize