Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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