I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
