I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize