We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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