Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
