the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
