so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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