I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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