I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
