YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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