Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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