I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
