i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's just like the Real World with babies
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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