Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
