btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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