you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
