I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Green mimosas i think yes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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