is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
