2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
