We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
