did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
