She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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