Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
