Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
