umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize