the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want nice things and good sex
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
