Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
