He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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