How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
