dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize