All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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