ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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