I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
