I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
