She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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