now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
