Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
