You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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