That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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