yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
