i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
