I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
