I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
