Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize