In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
