I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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