she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I die, sorry about rent.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
