Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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