Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
