im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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