hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize