The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
