Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
