If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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