do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
