This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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