I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i love accidental penises.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
