I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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