I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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