need another drink. this is the easiest way
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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